Real-Life Nutcracker Mannequins Make Cracking Nuts Painful to Watch

These mannequins are rigged to act as fully functional nutcrackers. The 18 life-size, ball-busting dolls were created by artist Jennifer Rubell, with one of the sculptures making an appearance at the Frieze Art Fair in NYC. That’s right, somebody took a bunch of naked mannequins and turned their thighs into kitchen appliances. ART!

In a nutshell (sorry), all you gotta do is place your favorite indehiscent fruit between the thighs of a pretty mannequin, grab a leg to pull them closed, and CRUNCH! You’ve got your cracked nut. Annnnd every man within earshot’s balls have retreated into his b-hole in fear. YOUCH!

Jennifer Rubell’s Nutcracker Mannequins Are Fully Functional

Rubell originally presented her Nutcrackers installation at Dallas Contemporary in 2011. The exhibit featured 18 life-size female mannequins lying on their sides, each modified so visitors could crack pecans using the mannequin’s hinged upper leg. Because apparently regular nutcrackers weren’t nearly uncomfortable enough to watch.

Each sculpture had a small indentation fitted with a metal cracking mechanism between its thighs. Visitors placed a pecan in the designated spot, pushed the upper leg downward, and cracked the shell. Simple! Disturbing! Delicious!

The original Dallas installation even included a massive supply of Texas pecans. We’re talking ONE TON of nuts. That’s enough pecans to make approximately a bazillion pies. Or to keep a small army of terrifying plastic women busy for the foreseeable future.

Cracking Nuts at Frieze New York

One of Rubell’s nutcracker sculptures, titled Lea I, appeared at the inaugural Frieze New York art fair in May 2012. So visitors could experience the joy of crushing a pecan between a mannequin’s thighs without having to travel all the way to Texas. What a wonderful service to humanity!

And while the whole thing looks like somebody’s incredibly strange idea of a practical joke, Rubell had some actual artistic ideas behind it. The sculptures played with stereotypes about female beauty, sexuality, and power, while encouraging visitors to physically interact with the artwork instead of just standing around staring at it.

The inspiration even included those novelty Hillary Clinton nutcrackers, which apparently got Rubell thinking about the strange relationship between women, power, and cracking nuts. Deep stuff. Very deep. Especially for something that makes such an alarming CRUNCH.

Still, you’ve gotta appreciate an artist who can turn something as ordinary as cracking pecans into a full-body experience. Most museums tell you not to touch the artwork. This one practically demanded that you grab a mannequin by the leg and start busting nuts.

Personally, I’ll stick with my regular nutcracker. It’s smaller, less complicated, and doesn’t make every dude in the room instinctively cross his legs. But hey, if this is what it takes to get people interested in art, MORE POWER TO THE PECANS!