Vagina Toaster Puts an Unexpected Design on Your Breakfast

This is the Vagina Toaster by Burnt Impressions. It doesn’t toast your lady parts, it toasts an image of a coochie onto your toast. Two completely different products. One doesn’t exist (and shouldn’t), another that does exist (but shouldn’t). Because apparently regular old toast just wasn’t exciting enough. Somebody had to go and make breakfast ANATOMICAL.

The Vagina Toaster originally sold for around $45 and came in five different color options: blue, green, powder, red, and yellow. That’s cool. If there’s a person on the market for a toaster that toasts the shape of a vagina onto bread, I imagine they’re gonna want options. Gonna want options, gonna need therapy.

The Vagina Toaster Makes Breakfast a Little More Interesting

The bizarre kitchen appliance was one of several novelty toasters offered by Vermont-based company Burnt Impressions. The company specialized in burning unusual images onto bread, including Jesus, peace signs, and other designs. But apparently somebody decided those were all a little too family-friendly. ENTER THE VAGINA TOASTER.

The concept is simple: put a slice of bread into the toaster, push down the lever, and wait for your breakfast to emerge with a stylized vagina design toasted onto its surface. It’s like a regular toaster, except now you’ve got some explaining to do when Grandma comes over for breakfast.

And if you’re wondering whether this thing was actually real, it was. The Vagina Toaster was being sold online back in 2014, with different retailers listing it at different prices. So this wasn’t just some ridiculous Photoshop concept. Somebody really manufactured an appliance specifically designed to put genitalia on toast. WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE.

Personally, I think I’ll stick with a regular toaster. My mornings are already weird enough without having to explain why my breakfast looks like it belongs in a health class textbook. But hey, if novelty anatomical toast is your thing, who am I to judge?

Actually, never mind. I’m definitely judging. WHY?!