14 Extremely Weird How-To Books

Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual, but apparently, you can buy one for almost anything. Need help using the bathroom at work, crafting with cat hair, or surviving a robot takeover? Someone has written a book about it. Here are 14 of the weirdest how-to books that prove there’s a guide for practically everything.

How To Traumatize Your Children

Parenting books usually promise happier kids and calmer homes. This one takes the opposite approach, poking fun at the little mistakes parents make that their children will probably remember forever. From embarrassing stories to questionable life lessons, it treats childhood baggage like a family tradition nobody ever asked to inherit.

Toilet Yoga

Some people do yoga to relax. Others apparently need a little help in the bathroom. Toilet Yoga turns an everyday visit to the toilet into a stretching session, which raises several questions about balance, comfort, and why anyone thought this needed a book. Maybe just start with more fiber instead.

Get Fit In Bed

Getting into shape sounds great until you remember you have to get out of bed. This guide offers exercises you can do without leaving the mattress, which may be the most appealing fitness pitch ever written. Whether it beats a proper workout is another question, but at least the commute is short.

How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

That title alone is a workout to read. The book suggests an unusual physical routine as a way to improve your mood, which is a big claim for something involving repeated muscle contractions. Whatever the promise, it is not a substitute for evidence-based mental health care. Or a good editor.

Pornogami

Origami traditionally turns ordinary paper into cranes, flowers, and other harmless decorations. Pornogami takes that folding talent somewhere decidedly less family-friendly. The instructions are real, the finished shapes are cheeky, and the idea of explaining your latest paper creation to a curious coworker is probably funnier than the project itself.

How To Poo At Work

Everyone needs to use the office bathroom, but apparently that comes with enough social anxiety to fill an entire guide. This book tackles awkward timing, shared stalls, and the fear of running into a coworker at exactly the wrong moment. Finally, some career advice nobody requested but everyone secretly understands.

Drink As Much As You Want And Live Longer

That is an ambitious promise for a book about drinking. It sounds like the kind of health advice someone would love to hear right before ordering another round. Unfortunately, a catchy title does not cancel out the risks of excessive alcohol use. File this under book titles, not medical recommendations.

Crafting With Cat Hair

Your cat sheds all over the couch, your clothes, and probably your dinner. Why waste that fluffy supply when you could turn it into tiny crafts? This book makes pet hair an art material, complete with projects that are equal parts clever and unsettling. Your vacuum cleaner may never recover.

Do-It-Yourself Coffins: For Pets And People

Most DIY projects end with a new shelf or a slightly crooked birdhouse. This one has a much more final destination. The book shows readers how to build coffins for people and pets, proving that woodworking can get unexpectedly morbid. At least nobody can complain about the finished project afterward.

How To Fake A Back Exam

This cover sounds like a bad idea for anyone sitting in a doctor’s waiting room. But the full title points to a guide for medical professionals about prescription drug diversion, not a manual for fooling your physician. Either way, it is one of those book covers that deserves a second look.

How To Shit In The Woods

Before you laugh, remember that nature does not provide toilet paper, running water, or conveniently placed restroom signs. This guide tackles a genuinely useful outdoor problem: how to answer nature’s call while respecting the environment. It is less ridiculous once you are miles from civilization and suddenly desperate.

The Beginner’s Guide to Sex in the Afterlife

Some books help you plan for retirement. This one is thinking much further ahead. With a title that combines romance, spirituality, and the great unknown, it is guaranteed to make bookstore browsers do a double take. Whether you believe in an afterlife or not, that is some impressive niche marketing.

How To Survive a Robot Uprising

Most survival guides prepare you for earthquakes, storms, or getting lost in the wilderness. This one assumes the appliances have finally had enough of us. From rogue robots to questionable technological threats, it brings science fiction into the self-help aisle. Read it before your smart toaster starts asking suspicious questions.

Make Your Own Sexy Toys

DIY enthusiasts will attempt just about anything, so a guide to making adult toys was probably inevitable. Still, some projects are better handled with proper materials and careful safety considerations. The title certainly gets your attention, though. Just imagine explaining this particular arts-and-crafts purchase to someone at the checkout counter.