Bytox Hangover Prevention Patch Promises an Easier Morning

Because all the best holiday parties have an open bar, and who has the self-control to stop drinking free drinks, this is the Bytox Hangover Prevention Patch. It’s a little adhesive patch that promises to make the morning after a night of drinking considerably less miserable. FINALLY! A stocking stuffer for people whose favorite holiday tradition is making questionable decisions at the office Christmas party.

The idea is simple: apply the patch to a dry, hairless place on your body, provided there is such a space, you moist, hairy beast. According to the manufacturer, you’re supposed to put it on before drinking and keep the thing on for at least eight hours after you’ve stopped. Provided you ever stop drinking. I’M NO QUITTER! Well, except when it comes to things like exercise and personal improvement.

How Does the Bytox Hangover Patch Work?

Bytox is marketed as a vitamin-based patch designed to help replenish nutrients after drinking alcohol. Its formula includes several B vitamins and other ingredients, with the company claiming that these nutrients can be delivered through your skin. It’s basically a multivitamin you wear instead of swallow. Because apparently taking a pill was just TOO MUCH WORK.

The manufacturer recommends placing the patch on clean, dry, hairless skin before your first drink, then leaving it in place while you drink and for at least eight hours afterward. The original instructions also said not to wear it for more than 24 hours. So, no, you’re not supposed to stick one on your arm in December and leave it there until New Year’s Day. NICE TRY, THOUGH.

Can a Hangover Prevention Patch Actually Prevent Hangovers?

Here’s the catch: there’s no convincing clinical evidence that Bytox or other vitamin-based hangover patches can reliably prevent a hangover. Medical experts have questioned whether enough of the ingredients can even pass through the skin to make a meaningful difference. And a patch doesn’t lower your blood alcohol level or undo the effects of drinking too much.

So while the idea of waking up completely hangover-free sounds like a dream, don’t confuse the manufacturer’s marketing promises with a scientific guarantee. Drinking less remains the more reliable way to avoid a miserable morning. BORING, I KNOW. But so is spending all of Sunday apologizing to your stomach.

The Ultimate Holiday Stocking Stuffer?

Now I know you guys have been racking your brains for the perfect gift to give me this year, so I’ll just lay it down for you: an unlimited Taco Bell gift card.

But what was that? Something else? Did someone say STOCKING STUFFERS? No? Well, allow me: STOCKING STUFFERS! This is what you do: cram as many Bytox Hangover Prevention Patches as you can fit into the biggest stocking you can find. Are they guaranteed to work? Nope! But at least I’ll have enough little stickers to cover myself like a very festive, vitamin-enriched mummy.

That, and the unlimited Taco Bell gift card, plus your undying love and affection, is all I need for Christmas. Is that so much to ask? Yeah, you’re probably right. I’ve been all kinds of naughty!