Tights With Maps of NYC Subway

No one wants to be that tourist walking around carrying a map. It’s way too conspicuous. But maybe not quite as conspicuous as walking around wearing a map. Especially when that map is printed ALL OVER YOUR LEGS. Subtlety, people. It’s a lost art.

These hand-silkscreened microfiber tights feature a map of the NYC subway system. That’s right, somebody took the confusing network of New York City subway lines and turned it into wearable fashion. Because apparently getting lost on the subway wasn’t frustrating enough. Now you can get lost trying to read somebody’s pants!

NYC Subway Map Tights Are Fashion Meets Public Transportation

The subway map tights were making the rounds online back in January 2013, offering a particularly unusual way to show off some New York City pride. Instead of a T-shirt that says “I Love NY,” why not cover your entire lower half in subway routes? It’s practical! It’s fashionable! It’s a little confusing!

The colorful subway lines and station markings give the tights a distinctive look, especially if you’re familiar with the city’s transit system. Although I’m pretty sure the average person would have trouble figuring out where to transfer trains while staring at somebody’s knees.

And let’s be real: these tights don’t seem especially convenient for the person wearing them. Unless you’re really good at reading upside down, you’re probably better off carrying an actual map. Or using your phone. Or asking literally anybody who isn’t currently wearing the subway system as an article of clothing.

The Most Awkward Way to Ask for Subway Directions

Still, these things could make you REALLY popular with random lost tourists. They’d be all like, “Excuse me miss, would you hike up your skirt? I need to get off soon.” And you’d beat them with your purse before realizing they just wanted to know which stop comes after Grand Central–42 St. Oops.

Actually, on second thought, maybe people should just use a regular subway map. It’s a lot easier than asking a complete stranger if you can inspect their thighs. And significantly less likely to get you smacked with a handbag.

But hey, as a piece of quirky New York fashion, these are pretty great. They’re colorful, unusual, and guaranteed to start conversations. Possibly some very awkward conversations, but conversations nonetheless.

Now somebody make a matching subway map shirt. Then you could wear the entire transit system at once! I’d still get lost, but at least I’d look ridiculous doing it.