This is Alison Gold’s music video called Chinese Food. It’s brought to us by the same dude who’s responsible for Rebecca Black’s Friday. I’m not gonna lie to you, there are so many things wrong with this. Then again, what do you expect from the same human who cursed our earholes with Friday? Exactly. Anyone clicking Play on this mess is knowingly torturing themselves. But still, even with that foresight, no one could have prepared me for this. I think the part that offends me most—aside from the blatant racism, the fact that they rhymed broccoli with Monopoly, and why the hell is that grown-ass man hanging out in a panda suit at a little girls’ slumber party?—is that I just witnessed a child dust her shoulder off as she sang about Chow Mein. I… I shouldn’t have been exposed to that. There are just some things that should never be done. Dusting your shoulder off to Chow Mein is one of those things!