Before we proceed, let’s just clarify that, yes, this is real life. Here’s a video of a man called Gerard Jessie breaking the world record for most candles extinguished by fart. He made it to five. Five candles extinguished by fart. There’s not much more to say about any of this mess other than, I dunno, sayonara, you guys! It’s been real. Too real. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to blast myself off into the sun.