Okay, we don’t have hover boards yet, but it is definitely the future — now you can turn water into wine, just like my homeboy JC. This is the Miracle Machine, a new device that makes the magic happen. You just gotta buy the damn thing for $500, download the corresponding app, add some grape concentrate (sold by the same company) and some wawa (water), then just sit back and relax. Chug some boxed wine to pass the time, because it’s gonna be a while. Three days to be exact. That’s when your phone notifies you to let you know your grape sauce is ready to be drank. Cool, but Jesus didn’t need a $500 machine, grape concentrate, or three days. He was just like “Yo pops, the wedding needs to be kicked up a notch. How abouts some vino?” and POOF! Wine. Much more impressive if you ask me.