Another day, another zombie survival themed product, amirite? Today’s is the Zombie Bottle, a zombie survival kit that fits ever so neatly in a bottle. It includes a 6-inch spike, 2 ear plugs, 1 antiseptic solution, 2 bandages, 1 chocolate and of course the bottle itself, which for some reason does not contain any beer. How am I supposed to drown my zombie-killing sorrows with no booze? Someone dropped the ball on this one. It seems to me like this was designed by someone who was going for more of a “What can fit inside of a bottle?” and not so much a SLAYING F***ING ZOMBIES kit. That’s cool, you kids go on with your Hello Kitty band-aids and candies. But when you inevitably get zombie-fied you best believe I’m gonna be puttin’ some serious hurt on your undead ass with my bazooka.


Thanks to DragonLord for the tip. He doesn’t need a survival kit, he can kill with a stare.

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