Demeter is selling Zombie-Scented Cologne and Perfume. Because what could be more attractive than the stench of rotting flesh and stale brain-breath? Well, actually… now that you ask, I can actually think of a lot of examples. Like clean laundry, fresh cut grass, new car smell, or cat piss. Wait, no — zombie and cat piss are definitely tied for last place. The undead-men’s fragrance smells of dried leaves, mushrooms, mildew, moss, and earth, while the women’s version is basically like the dude’s except it’s got notes of ‘bottom of the wine barrel’ added in for good measure. I’m gonna douse myself in the Eau de Zombie Stank like a frat boy does Axe Body Spray and watch everyone gasp in horror as I walk by. Now that’s what I call a good time! I… I live a very mundane existence.

Thanks to SCIENCE for the tip. He doesn’t need cologne, he just wears one of those pine tree air fresheners around his neck. Drives the ladies wild.

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