The Zipper-Pull Hidden Handcuff Key is exactly what it sounds like: a zipper-pull that inconspicuously hides a handcuff key. It attaches to any zipper so you can always be prepared. Prepared for what, you ask? Well, if you’ve ever had a jilted ex-lover come to your place with the promise of freaky sex, only to be left handcuffed to the futon with your pants around your ankles waiting for your roommate to come home and find you, you would understand why this could come in handy. Also, if you’ve ever been arrested. Why do they have to put the cuffs on so tight, anyway? It’s really uncomfortable! I’m almost tempted to buy one, but my New Year’s resolution is to not get arrested again. And so far so good — 37 days strong. A new record!

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