Imagine: you show up at a BBQ and it turns out it’s also a pool party. Win, right? Except you didn’t bring a swim suit. Booooooo! Usually I’d say “Who gives a shit — CANNON BAAAAALL!” but that was before I knew about ThingThongs. They’re flip-flops that double as a swimsuit. The elastic straps make it possible to wear on your body and the shoe part covers your ding-a-ling or hoo-ha. I suggest people wear two at once. One flip-flop for the front, one for the rear. No one wants to see that saggy-ass ass! Except me. I’m sick in the head!

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