Like most people children under 5, I can’t swim without water floaties. And I do NOT f*** with the deep end. Don’t even play. This Boat Dress by designer Jacqueline Bradley is perfect. It combines a conservative swim suit with an inflatable raft that keeps you afloat AND makes it completely impossible to achieve an even tan. But who cares? Lord knows funky tan lines are the least of my concerns (I wear SPF 6,000!) — I’m wearing this baby to the water park! You know how streamlined my water slide process is going to be? No need to stop and pick up an inner tube, I already got one. No jerk! Not my stomach. I’m talking about the dress. The inner tube on the dress.