Perhaps you’ve been with your partner for a number of years and have settled into some comfortable domestic routines. Maybe you’ve even had children together and find yourselves so caught up in the daily domestic grind that you may often be too tired to feel sexy and make intimacy feel like a chore. For most couples, it’s nearly inevitable that at some point you will feel bored and like your long-term relationship needs to fan the flames a bit in the bedroom. But just how can you go about doing so in a way that’s satisfying but still good for your relationship?
ARE YOU BORED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
Unsurprisingly, relationship boredom does not affect all couples equally. Some fear that the initial spark that had been so strong at the beginning of the relationship may be on the verge of being snuffed out by everyday responsibilities. Others may feel that their relationships are being strained by financial stresses or other family issues. Whatever the case, some couples find themselves less and less interested in sex and prefer spending time in the bedroom watching a movie and falling asleep instead.
While feeling safe in a relationship is vital—what psychologists term relational safety—it is also possible that an increase in comfort, feeling secure and familiarity with your partner may in fact cause more harm than good. You might feel like you’re no longer growing with your partner and exploring new aspects of your lives (and, by extension, your bodies) together. This may cause you to feel alienated from them physically and perhaps even feel like things are no longer exciting and that you’re losing interest in your relationship overall.
For these reasons, physical intimacy can be a way to not only reinvigorate your relationship’s sex life, but also to rekindle the bond you share with your partner and hopefully bridge the divide you may be experiencing.
6 WAYS TO BRING THE SPARK BACK INTO THE BEDROOM
There are as many different ways to make things interesting in the bedroom as there are types of couples. Here are a few helpful suggestions to get you started.
Remember when you started dating and would seemingly get it on at any moment? Sex with your partner is best when it’s unscheduled and makes things exciting. Squeeze in a quickie on her lunch hour, leave half-washed dishes in the sink while you get it on with him in the kitchen. Don’t doubt the fact that spontaneity is a huge aphrodisiac.
For some couples, focusing on a competitive activity is enough to stop focusing on everyday problems and to instead focus on each other. Challenge each other to see who can do the most stomach crunches, learn a new dance together where you have to be pressed close together, play a familiar game with a new twist where the loser (or winner) strips off a piece of clothing—playfulness brings relaxation, which can translate into some good (physical) time with your partner.
Depending on the type of relationship you have, you should also discuss ways to be adventurous when it comes to your sex life. Couples who find it hard to stoke the fires of their sexual prowess might prefer the spark of inviting a third person into the bedroom. There are full service sex workers “FSSW” Full Service Sex Workers, for instance, that provide escort services without getting tangled up in issues of emotional attachment, and having someone new in the bedroom may be just the spark you need to get you interested in each other again.
A lot of couples settle into the same comfortable two or three sexual positions. These may last for years on end with little or no variation. While comfort is essential when it comes to sexual intimacy, try mixing things up with a new sexual position that is not only comfortable, but which also maximises the pleasure that you and your partner feel.
Push the edges of your comfort zone even more when it comes to your sex life with your partner. This can mean a host of things, from watching a porn flick together to get you in the mood, using sex toys, creating a joint Tinder account to search for a third, instigating some dirty talk sessions… The ideas are endless! You simply have to pick what would work best for your relationship.
Clear, honest communication is a huge turn-on. Take the time to tell your partner what turns you on, what fantasies you’ve been harbouring, what feels good. Make sure you’re also honest about what your boundaries are as well as when you stop having fun. This will prevent any awkward misunderstandings in the bedroom which can lead to more problems down the road.
While these types of problems may seem serious, in most cases a bit of effort and some creativity are enough to get you back on track toward relationship bliss with your partner.