The Money To Burn Candle is for people who are richer than God, Oprah and the Olsen Twins combined. Basically a buncha Benji’s all rolled up with a wick down the middle just waiting to be lit by some rich person. Look, if you got monies lying around gathering dust at your place, I have a solution to your problem. I know someone who could really use the dough. You heard about living paycheck to paycheck? This individual doesn’t even get paychecks! It’s a proven struggle to hold down any kinda job, even as a hot dog vendor. Being gainfully unemployed it’s been hard making ends meet. Especially when one has a drinking problem to maintain, as this person in need absolutely does. So… are you gonna hook me up or what? Yes, I was talking about me. Hey, if you help me out now, then maybe when I’m rich and famous, I’ll throw you a bone, too, k? But if you’re gonna fork over the big bucks for this candle instead, I’m gonna pray it catches fire and burns your house down. So what do you say, lend me a couple G’s?

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