The Dirty Flirty Novelty Company is selling these pervy Christmas ornaments called Pornaments. There’s all kinds of messed up ornaments that would make Baby Jesus cry: a wiener dressed up like a cowboy, a snow lady rocking some massive snow knockers, a shopping bag full of oversized dildos, and a banana shaped like a penis. I know that last one sounds pretty redundant, and I get where you’re coming from, except this banana has a urethra. But seriously, Santa? Please put your ding dong away, you are totally ruining my childhood. I think we can all agree that if there are two things that should never go together it’s toothpaste and orange juice. Second on the list is sexy and Santa. Put your damn pants back on or I’m gonna tell Mrs. Claus about you putting the moves on my mom last night. Damn right I saw you! You thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep, but I saw you!