Most people, including myself, don’t want bugs crawling in and around our orifices while we sleep. Every year a person swallows eight spiders (yes, Snopes declared that an urban legend, but obviously that’s just a government conspiracy), which is exactly why I sleep with duct tape over my mouth. Also, because I talk in my sleep. It’s gotten me into serious trouble in the past. One time I confessed to a string of murders and went to prison for crimes I didn’t commit. Can you imagine how many bugs crawl around in your brain via your ear holes? Eek, the inside of my head is getting the creepy crawlies just thinking about it. Thank goodness for these Ear Guards. They fit snugly over your ears preventing bugs from being able to sneak in while you catch your Zs. My only concern is, what happens to the bugs who are already shackin’ up in there? Is there like a one-way door? Ideally I’d like to have an opportunity to leave. Like, ASAP, preferably.

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