Hey man, what you measure in the privacy of your home is your business. As far as secure privacy goes, the bathroom seems to be the best place to handle this, so Perpetual Kid’s Measuring Tape Toilet Paper makes sense. Whether you’re measuring your body parts or getting a rough estimate of one of your very own “creations,” the quirky paper should get the job done. Just promise to keep all of the data to yourself. Holding competitions for stuff like that is just absolutely ridiculous. I mean it.

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