If you’re hard up for cash, a quick fix is to kidnap some rich person’s kid for ransom. I need money in a bad way so this sounds like a great idea. Alls I need are these Ransom Demands Cookie Cutters, a delicious and thoughtful way to tell parents that you’ve taken their beloved child for money. The kidnapping part will be a cinch. The real test will be not to eat the yummy-looking cookie ransom note! Though, with my luck the little shit’s parents will be like “Wow, thanks, we hate that Larvious anyway! He sucks, keep ’em!” and then I’ll be stuck with him. At that point I’ll HAVE to get a job and make dat money to keep up with the demands of a spoiled rich brat. Fuuuuuuuuu — this thing’s really blowing up in my face, isn’t it?
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