Until the pirates finally tell us where they found the Fountain of Youth, people will continue to try anything to keep their faces from becoming a sloopy mess. The KollagenX 24K Mask Treatment keeps your skin looking young and rejuvenated using nano gold technology. Nano gold techonologies? Sounds… questionable. But who the f*** cares — it looks cool! I wonder what my roommate is gonna think when he sees me wearing this thing. He always happens to walk in when my face is covered in spaghetti sauce. Then I have egg on my face (!!!!!). And that’s about the time he walks out of the room mumbling something about moving back in with his parents because it’s better than…something. I always miss the tail end because, by that time, I’m trying to Q-tip the meatballs out of my ears.