This is the Freedom Flask. You hide fill it up with your favorite hooch and stuff that thing in your shorts. To dispense, just unzip, unscrew the cap and fill er up! Yeesh. Alright, look, I’m all for drankin’ on the cheap, but hiding your booze in your drawls is a definite NUH-UH. First of all, the gross factor. Mega unsanitary. Second of all — wait, do I even have to go on? I’m more disgusting than a booger stapled to a turd and even I think this is taking things too far. If that’s not reason enough, then I don’t know what is. Also, I’m tired of arguing and I kinda lost my train of thought. All this booze-talk is making me thirsty!

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