The Federation of Bakers brings us Eau de Toast, a perfume that smells like (SURPRISE!) toast. Models at London Fashion Week will be wearing the scent and if you’re over the age of 18 and live in the United Kingdom, Isle of Man or Channel Islands you can order a free sample. Yes, do that. Order a free sample and report back to me. Does it smell like toast or burnt toast? Because there’s a fine line. Also, is it buttered? Because unbuttered toast is no bueno. That’s Spanish for no good, by the way. The lady selling coconuts on the corner taught me that. She was like “Coconuts! Coconuts!” and I said “Do you accept this half-eaten candy necklace as a form of currency?” but she was all “No bueno. Now get the hell off my corner, you’re driving away business.” No bueno, can you believe it? You learn something new every day! Also, that was a fine quality candy necklace. She’s really gonna regret passing that up.