This is a new line of snacks called Cracker Jack’D Power Bites. They’re basically like Cracker Jacks on 12 cups of coffee before 10 AM. That’s right, they’ve got caffeine. Get Jack’D son! (KIll me now?) The grown up version of Cracker Jacks should be ready to roll out by December 22, so I guess, you’re gonna have to stick with your usual coffee/energy drink in the meantime. Or just be sleepy/hungry? Either way. I don’t know if caffeine is really gonna sell me on Cracker Jacks. I mean, the only reason I ever wanted them is because there was a prize inside. And at the risk of sounding like a crotchety old maid, I gotta say — back in my day, the prizes were, you know, like a prize. Now? Now their prizes are NOT A PRIZE AT ALL. Link is to a photo of an actual “prize” I got from a box of Cracker Jacks last week. Pencil NOT included, by the way. Don’t ask me why I bought a box of Cracker Jacks, because I just told you — I wanted a damn prize. Does that look like a damn prize to you? Exactly. I want my 29 cents back!

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