This ain’t your gramma’s vodka, folks. Naga Chilli Vodka is infused with Naga Jolokia chillies. The hot stuff is rated 100,000 SHU on the Scoville scale, a.k.a. hotter than Satan’s @$$hole, a.k.a. one sip will set your whole damn life on fire and there’s nothing you can do but pray to JC that it’ll all be over soon. Per the product site:

Nose: Good crivvens, this stuff smells like pure evil, like the very blood of Satan himself. Such a pungent nose of chilli, it makes your eyes water just sniffing it.
Palate: Oh, actually, this stuff’s not so bad… Wait a second… What’s that… A burning sensation… Oh dear please no…
Finish: asdfkjhjj hfasjklkljfds klajkh khffjk hfjkhfjhklfhjkjfj fkjhlf
Comment: SJjkhahjklaskjhsd aasdfsd asdfasdff [Ed. He’s just mashing his hands against the keyboard and he has a look of panic and also terror as though he’s seen things no one ought ever see…]

I…feel like I just witnessed a person die. Even worse, at the hands of one of my closest and best friends, Vodka. I’m not handling this well at all. Guess I’ll be taking shots until I black out. When you find me face down on the kitchen floor, just check to make sure I’m not dead, k?

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