Valentine’s Day is coming up and you haven’t gotten anything for your sweetie. I know what you’re thinking, but no, your presence alone does NOT count as a present. Sorry to break it to you. Maybe you should pick up some krinky candies like these Aphrodisiac Lollipops! They make your lover want to have sexy times with you. Or anyone really, I guess. They’re just supposed to up your honey’s libido, it’s not like some kind of love potion that binds you eternally or whatever. Personally, I just use alcohol. It’s not so much an aphrodisiac as it is a way to trick people into thinking you’re attractive enough to bang. Works like a charm! And by “Works like a charm!” I mean “I haven’t successfully carried out the ole booze-em-into-bed scenario.” YET. So far it’s ended up being more like me having to pay a very expensive tab and then stumbling home alone. But you know what they say! “If at first you don’t succeed, try try try try try until you’re broke, 86 from the bar, and still a virgin.” Words to live by!

Related Categories: Food, NSFW