The Public Toilet Survival Kit is for people who would rather doo doo in their drawls speeding home to get to their own throne than use a public restroom. It contains antiseptic wipes, disposable gloves, and a toilet seat cover. I have absolutely nothing against public restrooms. Not even the kind at skeazy gas stations that requires a key that is attached to a block of wood. What’s the big deal anyway? You’re worried about dropping a stinky-ass turd in a dirty toilet? You’ve got it all wrong — that toilet is dirty because of sick people like you leaving nasty butt crumbs on the seat. I will relieve myself anywhere. I shat in the woods once and neatly wrapped it in a leaf. Then I saw a bear walk up and unwrap it just like a candy bar! Ha, animals. They’re just like people.

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