If you’re like me you grew up being afraid of peanut butter clowns. Yeesh, I still get the heebie-jeebies just thinking of Jumbo crawling out from under my bed, throwing me in a sack and beating me to death with a wiffle ball bat. Which leads me to the point at hand: this is Crimebo the Crime Clown, at your service if you hate someone and want them to have their worst nightmare realized. The creepy clown is based out of Los Angeles, but I bet for a pretty penny or some new clown shoes, he’d let you fly him out. If you’re in town visiting hit me up, I’m lonely as hell he gives a tour of the city’s gory past. Annnd he makes phone calls! For just $25 he’ll call up your Little Birthday Princess and tell her morbid jokes and crime stats for the day she was born. Did you hear that Cindy? The day you were born someone robbed a bank and killed three people in the process — HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAY!

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