My balcony overlooks a busy street here in Los Angeles and while I’m drinking my morning coffee watching traffic, I see the most precarious driving situations. Texting, changing clothes, napping, putting on make-up, having a seizure, reading the newspaper, cutting toenails — all while driving. This one time I saw a lady driving with her foot out the window and eating spaghetti. What these people need is the Car iPad Stand. It attaches to your steering wheel and can be used for “eating, drinking, reading, writing, iPads, tablets, kindles or Laptop computers.” Sure, they say it’s meant for when your car’s parked, but you think that’s gonna stop the kinda person who CLIPS HIS TOE NAILS WHILE DRIVING A VEHICLE ON A BUSY STREET? You’re delusional.

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