In news that will make you stare blankly at your computer screen as you ask yourself “But… why?” there’s a new product on the bathroom scene called Shittens. They’re mittens made of toilet paper. What’s the trouble with regular, non-mittened TP? I guess there are grown-ass humans out there who haven’t mastered the art of wiping their tootay without making a doo-doo mess. Which, I think we can all agree, is pretty damn sad. Y u no learn how to wipe properly? Valid question. You can donate to the campaign over at IndieGogo. You know what would be cooler than toilet paper mittens? Toilet paper gloves. We could call them, um… Shloves. Dammit. That doesn’t sound cool at all! You know what? I’m just gonna stick with regular TP. I mean, if I needed it. I certainly don’t ever use the bathroom. I’m a lady!