This is the Arzum Firrin, a toaster that looks like a MRI scanner for bread. But it’s not. This device toasts bread horizontally. Because why? I think the real question here is why not? Actually, no — the question is definitely why. What’s wrong with the regular vertical type toster? Other than how easy it is to get my bagel stuck down in there and it starts burning so I have to grab a knife to try and pry it out and I don’t really remember exactly what happens next except that I’m on the floor and in a lot of pain and half of my kitchen’s on fire. Yeah, so other than that small detail… what’s the hell’s wrong with a vertical toaster?