This is Rollie, a device that cooks your eggs on a stick. Like a corn dog. Hold on, let me start over. This is an actual product you can buy, its sole purpose is that it cooks your eggs on a stick like a damn corn dog. Do you understand what I’m saying? I’m saying I need one now! NO — I need one yesterday. Actually two weeks ago. Show of hands, who’s with me? Oh. No one? Just me? Okay, well, I should have mentioned that this thing uses what the product site calls ‘vertical cooking technology’. Wait what? Still not impressed? God, you’re a tough sell!