All aboard the BBQ Express! First stop: straight into my mouth! The town of Ryazan Deulino built this big-ass 4-ton steampunk locomotive barbeque grill. Ooh, a food train. I get it — bcause whenever I eat, it goes straight to my caboose. Za za za zing! Does this thing go choo-choo IRL? Let’s hope so! Actually, if it doesn’t, does anyone really care? As long as Ryazan over here keeps cranking out hot dogs and burgers and whatever other tasty meats for me to eat, I will be A-OKAY. That is, until I over do it. Which always happens. I never know when to quit until it’s too late! They say quitters never win, but I’ll bet that quitters never get a tummy ache so bad they have to call 911. I thought my stomach was gonna explode!