Need a new nickname because your crummy friends dubbed you something unsavory? I feel you. I’ve been Fatty McBootysweat for years. It’s… been a rough road to say the least. Thank goodness for the people behind the company Custom Nickname. For $30 they’ll hook you up with a cool moniker even if you’re not cool! After gathering some personal info (like your hobbies and special talents, NOT social security number and mother’s maiden name), analyzing the results (I believe this part involves wizardry), they determine your new title. You’ll receive a letter detailing how it was chosen along with a certificate displaying the name so your friends will actually believe you. Friends, LOL — you just paid $30 for a nickname!